Many of us long to improve our communication skills with our spouses but we simply don’t know how. In an attempt to work on your relationship, here is a break down of some ways to improve communication with your partner.
Point Out Observations
All too often when you try to express your frustrations to your partner, you end up using accusatory language which immediately brings up their defenses. Instead of making accusations, communicate your observations with your partner. Using language like “I see that..” or “I’ve noticed that..”. This acknowledges that it might just be your perception of the situation and leaves room for an open discussion of the situation as opposed to going into battle.
Make A Request
Instead of demanding that your partner do so-and-so better, try asking them nicely. Everyone appreciates being asked instead of told. With this in mind, ask your partner if they would do this thing for you because you know how much they love you and would never do something to purposely hurt your feelings. It might come off as partonsign at first, but when you both start to use this technique it becomes a sign of respect instead of mockery.
This might feel silly, but it’s important to engage in small talk with your partner. The reason for this is that too often partners who have been together for a long time only discuss the ‘big things’ together. That’s fine, but it’s important to take into consideration the fact that sometimes those conversations often end in fights. This is when every conversation begins to feel like a fight, because you’re not allowing yourselves to speak about the less important things. So each conversation feels torturously deep and stressful. Even though the small talk and seemingly boring details of their day might seem like a waste of time or pointless information, it is helping you to grow together as a couple.
A skill that you can never hone too well is your listening skills. If you want to improve the communication between you and your partner, start by working on yourself and focus on how you listen. Being heard and validated is a really important factor of human connection and too often it falls to the wayside in relationships. Don’t just assume that your partner knows that you validate them – actively work to do so. By validating your partner you come closer to them and they feel closer to you, but the only way to do that is by really listening to them.
Understanding your partner and communicating better also happens when you do new things together. You might know how to communicate in your daily scenarios, but what happens when you try something new? Bring something new to the relationship to force you to communicate in new ways. It should be stated that this should only be done when you feel like taking your communication to the next level, not when it’s still on rocky ground.
I hope these tips help you and partner to grow closer together as a couple.